


Ain't No Use In Pretending

by SmittyJaws



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Gen, Smile (Band) Era, questioning!Bri, questioning!reader, the relationship tag is up there but they're just BFFs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 04:09:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19738024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmittyJaws/pseuds/SmittyJaws
Summary: You and Brian have a discussion on life, love, and sexuality.  Requested by @theredspecials on Tumblr.





	Ain't No Use In Pretending

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: A bit of a break from my ace!Deaky fics here, to give my Space Poodle Boi some fic action :D Not sure if this is exactly what you wanted in your request, but I hope you like it anyway! Brian ended up having more of a crisis over this than I anticipated. XD
> 
> As with my a!D fics, this is an AU that assumes asexuality/etc was more discussed in the 70s.
> 
> (Can't believe it took me this long to finally get around to crossposting this on here from my Tumblr. Whoops?)

“I just found out Angela’s getting married,” you announce when Brian opens the door to his flat, walking in briskly to get out of the cold.

“Hello to you too.” Brian raises his eyebrows, shutting the door behind you. “Did you really walk all the way over here just to tell me that?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. Ugh.” You groan as you flop onto the sofa, burying your face into a cushion as Brian watches. “She’s the third friend that’s told me in as many months that she’ll be married soon. Susan told me she and Thomas are expecting next year. Everyone seems to be moving ahead so fast with their lives, and I can barely even sort out any casual dating or what groceries I’ll buy myself next week. I’m too young to be this old,” you lament, rolling over onto your back to stare at the water-stained ceiling.

Brian chuckles slightly, sitting on the floor beside the sofa by your feet. “If you’re old, that must make me ancient.”

You roll your eyes. “One year’s difference doesn’t make you ancient, and you know what I meant. I just don’t understand how some people get so excited to do nothing but get married and pop out kids for the rest of their lives. Seems dreadfully dull.”

“I’ll admit I don’t fully understand that either,” Brian confesses. “That said, I’ve been so focused on my uni coursework that everything’s really taken a backseat. I can’t let myself lose focus on my work; even a small missed paper could set me back a great deal.”

“I know. But think of how satisfying it’ll be when you’re done - Dr. Brian May, astrophysicist. You’ll be quite the catch,” you tease, watching Brian’s face go red.

“Yes. Well. We’ll see about that, anyway. One step at a time.” Brian rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I still have to finish the blasted thing.”

“See about what; that you’ll finish, or that you’ll be a catch?” It doesn’t slip past you that Brian was incredibly ambiguous with his answer.

“Er. Either?” Brian shrugs noncommittally. “The band’s picking up, so it’s harder to balance coursework, and honestly I don’t know that I’m really looking for a relationship anytime soon. It’s not really high up on my list of priorities.”

“Yes!” you exclaim, sitting up quickly and startling Brian. “That’s exactly it. I’m just not looking for anything, and I’m not really interested in looking. It just isn’t important to me? Is that bad?” You continue talking before Brian can answer. “Everyone around me seems so caught up in that mentality of ‘just commit as soon as possible’, and I’m just…not.” You look back down at your hands before looking over at Brian, who’s listening patiently to your rambling. “What if I don’t find someone? What if that’s just never important enough to me when it matters and I end up alone, having missed my chance? Oh my God, I’m going to die alone.” You flop back down on the sofa dramatically.

“Is that a bad thing, though?” Brian speaks up quietly. “Being with someone in a relationship isn’t everything, you know. Besides, depending on how long this work takes me, I may end up being right there alone with you.”

“Don’t say that,” you protest, poking his arm. “I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Brian looks thoughtful. “I’ve being doing a bit of reading lately, because I wondered if something was off with me too, honestly. Took me a while to find something that didn’t describe a lack of interest in… that kind of activity… as a mental disorder of some kind, but I think I know why I don’t want that. And maybe why you don’t either?” He gives you a sideways glance, but doesn’t fully meet your eyes.

“Oh?” You’re intrigued now. “Spit it out, Bri. There’s an actual explanation for why neither of us is caught up in the ‘dating/marriage/family fever’ everyone else seems to have? I’m dying to know.”

Brian seems rather nervous, which is unusual for him; the two of you have been thick as thieves for ages. “Uh. The book called it asexuality. Or demisexuality. One of the two, anyway. I’m not sure if it’s why you’re not interested, but I think it’s why I’m not. ‘Lower or absent sexual attraction’ for ace, or ‘only experiencing attraction after forming emotional connection’ for demi.” He runs a hand through his hair agitatedly. “I’ve never been interested in casual flings; not the way Rog and Tim are. I don’t know if that means I’m not interested in anything, or if it means I’d be interested if I was in a relationship. All I know is that I’m not interested now, and this seems to be the best explanation.”

You’re just staring into space. It has a name? You hadn’t even considered that this might be an actual sexual preference; you just assumed there was some sort of mental switch that hadn’t been flipped. You’re not sure how to feel about this, about whether either of those names is what fits you. You’re pulled out of your thoughts by Brian calling your name, and one look at the hesitant expression on his face is enough to make you worried. “Bri, you alright?”

“Yes. I think. I just havent talked about it out loud before. Feels odd.”

“You know that it won’t change whether you say it or not, right?” You remind him gently. “Not talking about it doesn’t make it not true.”

“I know.” He looks frustrated. “I just… don’t know how I feel about that. About any of it. You seem awfully calm about this, though.”

“I don’t think I’ve fully processed it yet,” you answer honestly. “I mean, it does sound like one of those might be me too, but I don’t know for certain. Do you still have the book?”

Brian shakes his head. “No, but I can give you the title and tell you where I got it. You could find it for yourself if you want.”

“That’d be lovely, thank you.” You put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “You know I’ll never think less of you for something like this, right?” He nods slightly, but still looks unsure. You continue: “and I hope you wouldn’t think less of me if I was one of those?”

“Of course not!” Brian shakes his head vehemently.

“Then you can expect the same courtesy from me, Bri. We’ve known each other long enough. Whatever either of us is - or isn’t - you’ll always have my support.”

“I appreciate that.” Brian gives you a small smile.

“Now come on,” you poke at his shoulder and check your watch. “Have you got the telly working again? I think we both need a distraction, and Flying Circus will be on soon.”

“I think so.” Brian glances in the direction of the television. “Roger kicked it the other day, and the picture’s actually been clearer than it’s been for a while.” He laughs at that, and you do too, imagining the blond wreaking havoc on the poor appliance.

The rest of the evening is spent watching random television shows and bickering about the terrible special effects, and you’re glad to see Brian relax again. You resolve to find that book later on for your own research, and figure out what exactly it is that you feel. You’re comforted knowing that you’re not the only one in the world that feels this way, and you know that no matter what you may (or may not) be interested in, at least you and Brian will have each other’s backs.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also @smittyjaws on Tumblr, if you want to hit up my dumpster fire of a blog!


End file.
